Friday, September 17, 2010

"I also want to know why we seek out men who will “love us for who we are,” ...


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via maia medicine on 9/17/10

"I also want to know why we seek out men who will "love us for who we are," as if we, in a way, are afraid of a man actually appreciating how we look. Or are we unable to understand that a man can healthily appreciate a woman's appearance without objectifying her? Orrrrr do we simply not want to be held accountable for our appearance, so we want a man who won't hold us accountable for it? I mean, let's keep it real – any person who stays with us stays with the desire to love us for who we are… that's a default. Why don't we want more than that? Why is it so wrong to ask for more? Ingrained devaluation? Can I also see if anyone else sees this as blaming the "victim?" If we're allowing ourselves to "hide" the beautiful people we are because we're afraid of something we shouldn't have to endure in the first place? We're blaming ourselves for the crap happening in the first place… instead of placing the blame on the perpetrators of the harassment. And if we're trying to keep our daughter from "being fass," then aren't we blaming them in advance? Don't we, really, just perpetuate this idea that women control everything… and men should be held responsible for nothing? Ladies, I know it's flattering to think that your cupcakes and your ho-ho are that "powerful," but as you can see… it's not. Someday, we'll have to learn that sexual harassment, much like sexual assault and rape, are about the perpetrator trying to flex their power on the victim. It isn't about how you look… it's about the perpetrator going out of their way to reinforce the idea that they have some kind of power over you. What power, you ask? The power that society bestows men by default… but again, that's feminist theory for you. Again, I know we like to think that we are the center of everything, but really.. this is one of those times where we need to let that go. Taking blame for a man's bad behavior to the point where we harm ourselves to "avoid it?" As if fat women are never victims of sexual harassment or assault or, dare I say… rape?"<br/><br/> - <em><a href="">Sexual Assault, Sexual Harassment, & Weight Gain: Facing Facts | A Black Girl's Guide To Weight Loss</a> —-just go read the whole thing.</em>


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