Monday, June 7, 2010

Sum-N-Saf: The Rush Hour Edition


Sent to you by moya via Google Reader:


via the tuskegee experiment by (M. Smith) on 6/7/10

In the interest of perpetuating the stereotype that all unmarried straight black women over thirty are thirsting for a husband like Obama for a gargantuan wet vac, I (Saf) have decided to write on a subject that I've been turning over for a few weeks now. The common plight of Asian men and black women in America.

In much the same way that black women are being shoved out of their own happily ever afters by white women, Asian men are being beat to the glass slipper punch by white men. I feel that both suffer from the very same symptom: horrible PR. We are on the same basement level on the totem pole of sexual desirability. With no myths to buttress us, we are reduced to our big mouths and small penises, leaving us out in the cold, bitterly single.

Quite a few years back, I wrote a very heartfelt appeal to white men all over this wide country of ours to open up their minds and hearts and embrace the possibility of dating and mating with black women.

Now, despite how uncomfortable I am sure it will make many post-racialists feel, I find myself doing the same thing to our Asian brethren.

I say we draw inspiration from those cinematic pioneers Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan and join together. Black and yellow can make a lovely shade of brown. It's the same concept of biraciality that we've been espousing since the '08 election with just a hint of soy sauce. Wasabi. Sriracha. Masala.

Let's go forth together and build a master race of athletically gifted math whizzes with good ass hair!

Top Ten Reasons Why Asian Men Should Marry Black Women:

10. Look at the successful fusion of our cultures exemplified in takeout spare ribs and chicken wings.

9. Don't be scuuuured--Tiger Woods, Lisa Wu, or Amerie were rare genetic flukes.

8. You can make black history by causing a sudden, "inexplicable" rise in the black graduation rate.

7. If you can't love the one you want, big asses and bomb fried chicken make damn good consolation prizes.

6. Most urban black women have Asian hair.

5. Surely our overly libidinous natures can make up for your rumored sexual repression.

4. After years of UTIs, many black women might welcome a smaller penis.

3. Our kids will know karate and ka-razy.

2. You'll be helping to bring breakdancing back "home" where it belongs.

And the Number One reason why Asian men should consider black women...

1. Confucious say once you go black, you will not give a 屁话 about those ungrateful Asian bitches and their 笨蛋 white husbands.


Things you can do from here:


1 comment:

Rochelle said...

BW/AM pairings really are the red headed step-child of the dating world. 6000? Damn...