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(This blog was originally posted on Envision-This! My old blog, a year ago, But it's SO good that I just had to bring it back! enjoy!!)
So today I wanted to write a blog about love. I wanted to write about that word that singer/songwriter Musiq Soulchild said is so often "used in vain".
See it's about that time for Valentines day and on Valentines day alot of things happen; not all of it great. Some will be taken advantage of and manipulated because of the way that the word "love" is used in vain. Some will be put down or humiliated because they do not appear to have "love" in the form of a romantic partner. Some will neglect the multitudes of ways that "love" is already present in their life through friends and family.
So in reflection of all these things; I chose to take some quotes from some of my favorite people about love and share my understandings of them and love. And mind you, when i am speaking of love, I am not speaking just of romantic love, but love in all forms, between all types of friendships. Because I believe all of these are valuable relationships where we have much to learn and receive much in the form of what we know as love. I hope you enjoy.
"Who says love last forever? Love is when it is"-Zora Neal Hurston
Love between two individuals or more, like life itself, will not remain fixed to a specific state. It will flow and shift, deepen and dangle, transform and tingle but it will not remain stagnant. I believe we get into trouble when we try to block love from flowing through it's own natural ebb and tides. In other words, we try to make "it" last forever. "It" being the specific experience we are having or have had at one time; instead of letting the energy of love take its natural course.
Love will not be today what it was yesterday, and will not be tomorrow what is today. Our love relationships, romantic and non-romantic; are divine opportunities for us to grow, learn and be present; they come for a "season" a "reason" and a "lesson". Sometimes that season is long. And sometimes that season is short. And sometimes when that lesson is over, that person will leave, and that relationship will end. While In the midst of our mourning over the passing of these relationships, we could also take the time to celebrate the lessons that were learned and the love that was shared. Instead of doing this though, we are often cursing ourselves for not being able to "make it last forever"-and begin our inadequacy ritual; invoking the narratives of self hate and sadness in our minds/bodies and spirits.
But Longevity in relationships is not in of itself a sign of happiness, love or spiritual wealth. Some people are in relationships just because they are afraid to be alone. Some people are in relationships because they have just become apathetic.
Some people are in relationships because they feel their sense of self worth would be absent without it. There are several different reasons people stay; and when those choices come from a place of fear, control, or of inadequacy; I believe those persons are blocking their opportunities for growth and transformation, and ultimately more love. It is important for us to acknowledge that just because a couple has been together for five or more years, does not mean that this couple is happy; or that this couple has achieved some state of bliss which "single" folks are exempt from. ( Expect a blog about the concept of "single" soon) Someone who has had many short relationships could be just as fulfilled as someone who has stayed in a long term loving relationship if they are able to embrace the beauty and wonder in each of them.
Sometimes love means letting go. Sometimes it means removing people from your space and your heart for your and their own growth. When you have to do this some people will get angry. And it will be hard for you. But sometimes for love this is the best thing we can do for ourselves and each "other.
We must also recognize that we are always in relationship with ourselves. And the relationship we have with us is often the most neglected. When was the last time you said loving things to yourself? When was the last time you took care of yourself, showed love to yourself?
"Love is not just an emotion, it is an energy which comes through or to you, an energy which can act as a transforming agent for yourself and for others. - liz greene
I believe this with all my heart. See, I dont think someone can "make" you love them. I believe people can only awaken a place within you that is love. This place, which I believe exists within all of us, can be awakened by different actions, statements and behaviors. And those actions, statement and behaviors are different for each of us. In Astrology, we look to see what will "awaken love" in a person by looking at the placement of the planet Venus in their birth chart. By looking at this placement you can get a clear picture of what characteristics the person finds desirable, attractive and loving. Even if you never have a chart done, find the time to write down what you find desirable and awakens love within you. Ive done it before and it is quite a powerful exercise.
Also,you do not need another person to awaken this feeling of love within you. You can awaken love within yourself by creating a life that coincides with your desires; thus becoming in love with life itself- and doing this I believe, creates an impetus for more people who awaken love within you to enter your life.
It also "acts as a transforming agent". When you love yourself and radically embrace yourself in all of your complexities, it helps others do the same. It helps others look on to your example of self love and see that they too can follow their passions, love their perceived "flaws" and love themselves enough to create a reality they desire.
"We love because it's the only true adventure"-Nikki Giovanni
Love is an adventure! It's a journey into ourselves and each other. And like all adventures, it can be scary sometimes. There are risks that have to be taken and trust that has to be given. Sometimes, on this adventure you can get sidetracked; or hurt. And even when these things happen, they are jewels of opportunity. They are opportunities to learn, grow and self reflect. To ask ourselves, what can i learn from this? What can i take from this experience to enlighten and enrich my future relationships and others? Many of us have been so hurt by love, or what we perceive as the lack of it; that we have given up on the adventure of love. We have convinced ourselves we are not worthy because of (fill in the blank). I believe its up to us to find the courage to love ourselves enough to see that love is already in us. And that it is not love itself that hurts us, but the wounds, expectations, ideologies that we have placed on love that create so much pain.
"If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love."-Thich Nhat Hahn
Love is not possession. However in a capitalistic society, where almost everything is up to be owned or bought-partners become property. She becomes "my wife", losing her own name and identity. He becomes "my boyfriend." When in love, we may come to agreements about how we enact or embrace it; however i think we need to find ways to love that are not centric on possession and ownership, which ultimately stifle and drain the spirit and are founded on fear.
"If we learn to open our hearts, anyone, including the people who drive us crazy, can be our teacher. -"Pema Chodron
Love will awaken crazy within you! It will awaken fears, pain, hurt, memories connected to old wounds. When they come up sometimes we go off! But we don't have to. If we learn to study ourselves compassionately, when crazy comes up we can embrace it and not let it control us. In fact i believe that it is not about finding someone who is not "crazy" but instead finding someone who's crazy is compatible with your crazy. And everyone who awakens crazy in us is our teacher. Their is always something that the "crazy" being awakened within you has to teach you.
"Love is you"-Chrisette Michelle
I believe love is god. And that god is you. And that God/goddess, by animating you with the gift of life, You have already been given the greatest love of all. Now the question is what you choose to do with it.
So this Valentines day, I want to invite you to be love. To not seek it, but to be it; in action, word and embodiment. I want to invite you to recognize that regardless of whether you are partnered or not; within you is all the love you will ever need, if only you take the time to go in and find it. At the end of the day, no matter what anyone says; Love is you.:-)
Happy Valentines Day!